I realize it’s been a while. Life has been crazy hectic. I also realize I don’t necessarily write about “new” things….actually I think my blog is more defined by writing about old boring topics from what I hope (and probably convince myself) is a logical and thought provoking perspective. Anyway, being that it is summer and people are choosing to wear less clothing and the old “modesty” argument is resurfacing with all it’s extreme opposite views, I would like to, hopefully, provide a more moderate view on modesty.
First of all, it is well known and documented that many people, men AND women, are visually stimulated. It’s why we have the phrase “sex sells”. Companies know if they put an attractive woman on their add dressed in a sexually appealing way, they will sell more of their product. This is not a crazy religious perspective, it’s the truth, and it’s even admitted by mainstream marketers. If we KNOW this and we still choose to dress with such an image in mind, then we are intentionally trying to stimulate people, even if it’s subconscious. It might just be intended for one person, maybe that guy at school you like, but there’s nothing stopping everyone else around you from getting the same stimulation, whether they intentionally notice or not. The whole point of dressing to show off your body, is to SHOW OFF YOUR BODY…like it’s something on display that you want people to look at.
Now, before anyone tries to jump down my throat about adding to rape culture and blaming the woman and being secure in your own image and all that, just stop for a moment and consider what I’ve said. If you are KNOWINGLY dressing to SHOW OFF, then you cannot turn around and be upset at the attention you get. Yes, men and boys should be taught to respect women, whether they respect themselves or not, but likewise, women should respect men….it’s really not even just a men/women issue, it’s a matter of respecting that you are in community with other people. What is seen cannot be unseen. Some people are better at forgetting things they’ve seen, and some aren’t. Respecting other people, in this matter, really boils down to being conscious of how you are contributing to the stimulation and temptations other people face. Sure, maybe it’s THEIR issue that they find a woman’s exposed stomach attractive and tempting, for example, but do you really want to be the one contributing to it? It might not seem so bad to think of your peer dwelling on an image of you, but what about your friends brother, or dad? Or, in the case of a guy showing off his body, would you want your best buds mom dwelling on that image? The only difference is that YOU don’t want the attention from THEM. Can we really blame them for being visually stimulated?
I’m not saying take all the pressure and responsibility off men, I’m saying lets SHARE it. Men, take responsibility for what you know tempts you and the necessary steps you need to limit or resist it, and pay attention to what you wear to attract women’s attention. Women do likewise. I’m not saying we can’t dress attractively, but just consider when you get dressed thinking about that person you want to notice you, that everyone ELSE you meet could notice too. If you wouldn’t want your friends dad seeing you in it, maybe it shouldn’t be worn in a public place.
I used to wear bikinis in public occasionally before I was married, though I never cared for the attention I got for it, but now that I AM married, I only break out the bikini when I know it’s just my husband and I. He says he wouldn’t mind me wearing a bikini to the beach…he likes the idea of showing me off, which just shows how much he finds me attractive….but I don’t like the idea of OTHER people seeing the body that I’ve gifted specifically to my husband. There’s something sacred about saving a piece of you for just that one special person. For me, it’s a way I show respect for our intimate relationship. It is also a way I show respect to other women trying to do the same.
I am not going to point fingers or blame other women for how they contribute to my husbands daily visual stimulation, he says he finds me attractive and he chose to marry me, so it is his responsibility to respect and honor that commitment. I just wish more women would realize (and men, it just tends to be more of a women issue) that their actions affect the people around them. No, it is not our responsibility to try to control other people’s reactions, but it IS our responsibility to respect the people around us, and in this case, that means being conscious of where you are and the image you are conveying. Anyone who tries to say it shouldn’t matter what you wear is being foolish. It always matters what we wear. Why do you think there are phrases like, “dress to impress”, “dress for the job you want”, “Business casual”, “Black tie appropriate attire”, “Shirt and shoes required”, etc. All these phrases show that what we wear very much DOES convey a specific message and appropriateness for various occasions. Whether it SHOULD is irrelevant. It DOES. So be conscious of that and respect those around you. People expect to see bikini’s at the beach, but not sauntering down the aisle at a department store. People expect to see suits and ties at an office building, but maybe not at a construction site. Modesty is about being MODERATE and dressing appropriately for the occasion. Please lets just respect the people around us and take responsibility for our selves and our choices, and stop pointing fingers at everyone else. It doesn’t matter what “THEIR” problem might be, what matters is how WE choose to portray ourselves.
mlhutchinson 